Oh Deer

This painting reminds me a lot of my pregnancy. It just seems to go on and on, and as the days get longer, I ask myself: "What am I doing here?" For the past three weeks we have been absent from drawing group and I must be honest and say that my current painting has hit stagnation. Pun intended. Nicole and I have both been on vacation for two consecutive weeks, and the way our schedules were going it seemed best to meet on Wednesdays now at least for a while.

As I drove to Chesterfield Arts, I wondered if I missed painting more or *therapy*. I was more than eager to vent about my current obsessions that seem to be more intense with pregnancy. I have lately been focused and anxiety ridden by all things dealing with being a parent. I am re-acting to people and things as if they are against me, taking on others problems as if they are my own, and I often find my mind cluttered. I know this is not rational, however, I seem to remember similar thoughts and a lax perspective on my work as my first pregnancy progressed. The good news is that when my first son was born I had the opposite emotions than what most women face- rather than post-partum depression, I had euphoria. It is my hope that when this little creation arrives more creating in the realm of art will manifest.

Regarding my work, not much has changed as I noted above. I've worked on the sweater on the figure of Erica several times, and again last night... still feeling that there is something lacking. I can't quite get that unfinished yet finished quality I desire and tried messing around with detail in the ribbing part that I eventually wiped out completely. Dallas thought the sweater needed to be warmer, and that was the best thought that we mustered up about the piece. He suggested a warm green.

The skirt changed as well from white to brown then back to white again. I still feel that it is just 'okay'. The deer are painted in more detail with wintry landscape backgrounds, and I feel that they are interesting, however, I think they might be making the whole piece too busy.

The more I contemplate the piece, I consider leaving this painting alone for another time, or that it may have to be one of those pieces that the artist did and left unfinished.

There are aspects to the portrait that I like and I don't want to ruin those aspects so I fear working on the portrait at all. Erica has blank, unpainted eyes that are spooky, and somewhat hollow and I've decided I might just make a few minor adjustments elsewhere but leave the eyes, and shadow tones as they are.

Oh, and did I mention that I am also having trouble making decisions and am lacking direction?I am hoping for a new direction and re-found energy for myself and the whole group next week.