Just so everyone knows, I had a baby and he's adorable. His name is Andreas Noel, and he was born on December 15. Since then, I've been on a so called *maternity leave* from painting and this is just another word for *craziness* and/or adjusting. Right now I'm in mommy mode, which is how nature intended it to be, and working on feeding him, changing him, (really, didn't remember that they poo-ed this much) and am trying to get my bearings or showers in.

I'm not quite sure at this point how I will build in the exercise routine, and then the art routine, but somehow others do this, so I suppose I'm not re-inventing the wheel.

Busy

Busy is an understatement. No matter how many hours I have been working in the day, I find myself not finishing any one thing. I have moved the studio out of the home officially, and into storage in my mother in laws basement. The floor in the 'previous' studio was refinished and looks beautiful... however, I had painters come to re-paint the room (as this will be my sons new room) and while they were cheap they did not meet my standards with the trim or cut-in work. I worked last night on the trim myself (while nine months pregnant and huge) because I can't take sloppiness, and plan to work on the ceiling and more detail work today. We got the real tree yesterday, and Alex is meticulously circling every branch as he does each year. It was while I was painting the trim last night that I realized we both have high standards for ourselves and we both have OCD, even though Alex claims I am the one with the disorder.

My show at Concrete Ocean was approximately two weeks ago, and I have to say that I was disappointed in the turnout. We were in competition apparently with 6-7 other shows, and this hurt us. Afterwards, I went through what many artists go through... the questioning phase where you ask yourself how valid you are. Am I being of service to others? Is my work making others happy, or just me? How long can I keep up the hard work without much material reward? I go to where I normally go when I question these types of things- to books written by experts in spiritual advice and manifestation, such as Deepak Chopra. Help me Deepak, help! All I can say in the end is that getting the show together was an extreme amount of work and that I had a lot of friend and family support which ultimately means more than anything. I mulled the thought over that maybe the universe thought I had everything I already needed- which really I do, and more.

The new garage/studio is in full-out swing and the builders work every day- rain, cold or shine and in a way I feel their lives parallel mine. I sit here and say, "God, they're working hard..." and realize that I am doing the same, just not in the exact way they are. The garage is huge, more like another home in our backyard. It has been very hard to get used to, and I am a bit scared. Alex says it will be alright and when I go over there to get away from the kids I'm really going to love it. One of our neighborhood friends said that if Monguls invade Midtown, we will be able to spot them first from *The Tower*. This particular neighbor recently had a studio/garage built and they call hers the Taj Ma Garage. I like this term, The Tower... and feel that we can both be royalty- she in her Taj, and me in my tower. We have however, gotten some nasty looks from several neighbors.

Since the show opening, I have busied my mind with the monotony of the day to day, the renovations, the home, and catching up on life. Soon I hope, it will be time to rest.

Torn

Nicole has cancelled painting group indefinitely due to feeling torn between work and family obligations. She felt she wasn't spending enough time with her kids, which I completely understand. I am trying to work diligently for my show which will be on November 12, however, the work must be in on November 7.

I have changed gears a bit and decided after a meeting with Bryan Pease, who is the gallery director at Concrete Ocean, to concentrate on finishing these small studies of aloe plants that started after I saw Ben Pierces show. I don't think I will have time to finish the wallpaper piece- lets be realistic here... and I would love to do a few more pieces in this abstract grid/color series. It would seem I am all over the place, however, there is a method to my madness. After meeting with Bryan, I discovered that he wanted more pieces at a lower price point. I understand that gallery owners need to keep afloat, and I would like to sell more work as well at this juncture.

The contractor has started on our garage, and we have a foundation poured which is very good news. The timeline for its completion is around two months from when they started which puts us right around mid- December when our baby is due. I will have to pack and move my current studio out of the home, and put my things into storage after my Nov. 12 opening and move my son into the current studio room in order to make room for the baby. I'm actually getting close to wanting reprieve from painting/work in order to concentrate on the home a bit and get things ready for the new baby and Christmas. Shopping for the holiday will need to be done, the tree, etc. all before the arrival of our little deadline on December 15. It will be a whirlwind holiday this year.

The aloe pieces are coming along, and Alex has started working on the wood for their framing. In order for me to spend more time working on painting, he has offered to take over the framing aspect of the 'project'. I work on backgrounds, and then a study or two, then more backgrounds. The backgrounds will sometimes have several layers. The colors of individual pieces are intended to look harmonious together when viewed as a whole. Coming up with a color palette for these works together has been harder than I imagined it would be. The studies themselves are (of course) taking more time than I think they should which is usually the case. All of the aloe plants are done in black and white acrylic, and they are looking a bit like drawings/paintings/watercolor pieces. Generally speaking, I think they are getting better as I go, however, I have a couple that I plan on discarding.

My thoughts are that I need to conjure up a few more of these baby paintings, and call it a day. My fear is that none of them will sell and I will look bad at the show for not even selling lower priced work. My other fear is that the pieces together as a whole will look too busy or like a color rainbow. I've been meaning to tone down my work, not go up a notch in regard to color.

This said, I plug on the best way I know how, attempting to balance family, home, Halloween, pregnancy, marriage, and art... my husband my constant advocate in helping me to achieve my goals.

Closer To Fine

I walked into painting group to find Nicole working in clay, covering a cardboard paper tube. She said: "I'm doing a craft project tonight... wanna make something of it?" For some reason, this was hilarious to both of us- just her manner and the two of us together made something funny. She was making a pumpkin totem pole where several pumpkins were to be stacked atop each other. She went on to be completely absorbed in her clay while I updated her on current home affairs...

For several months Alex and I have been on a roller coaster regarding building a new studio/garage in our back yard. We need room for the new addition that will be arriving to our family December 15, and I need to move my studio out of our third bedroom. Initially, we tossed around the idea of moving, deciding in the end that we wanted to stay in our neighborhood and that we wouldn't get a fair price for our home if we sold. I walk everywhere in our little historic area, and ultimately decided that being in a subdivision would be the end of walking and the end of me.

From there, it has been one hurdle after another. The estimate from our trusted contractor (I'm being serious here- we do trust him) was about double what we thought it would be. Consequently the issue of money arose and we have been doing everything possible short of selling the new baby in advance (any takers?...kidding) to come up with funds for our 'Taj Ma Garage.' Yesterday, when my husband came home he told me that he just didn't think we could do it, as we were having trouble getting a certain amount of funds in the form of a loan. We were intending to pay off this loan at the end of the year, however, it didn't look like it would happen. I got really cranky because I just felt it would manifest and I could see a vision of the garage in the yard with my studio on the top level, and a workshop on the bottom. I couldn't stomach the idea of putting all of my work into storage for 'the kids'- essentially. Thoughts arose such as: 'how valid is my work anyway...' or 'how much money am I really making to justify putting everything on the line for this...'. Many of our family members have the opinion that investing this kind of money into a house that will never sell for what we put into it, is absurd and that we should just move into a subdivision like every other family in St. Charles.

I listened to my husband make the phone call to the contractor to tell him the bad news. Previously, I even asked if maybe Alex could just tell the contractor to go ahead and we would come up with the money by Christmas. In other words, I asked if he would think about lying to him or white- lying to him about the funds we had. Alex was upfront and honest and told him the situation as I waited for one last possible hope. I gave up control and told Alex to do what he thought was best, because I trust him implicitly when it really comes down to it because somehow he always does the right thing.

Our contractor came through for us, and told us he could finance us at the rate the bank gave us for a couple of months. Now we just have to pray that we will in fact have the funds we are expecting at the end of the year. We hate to do things this way, however, we feel it to be necessary when our baby is arriving in about 10 short weeks.

I decided that I should work on my large painting, 'Wallpaper' in order to get more serious about things. It seemed so much more natural than working in acrylic and I made some good initial progress. Once again, I felt that I faced many challenges with this painting but still I pressed on. I have a lot of ground to cover, and portrait work to do that I am not completely confident about at this point.

Dallas' class was at a bare minimum of three people- two of them being regulars. Still CA was abuzz with the clay class, and Dallas coming in and out to share his thoughts. He commented that at any art show he never really remembers the artists statement or the concept of the work, but only the work. I find this to be the general truth as I am more of a visual person anyway. Yet, I remarked that I think that concept helps the artist more than anyone else- i.e. it has a self- serving objective.

Then I added that, "Well... maybe you can't tell what the artists objective/concept is usually just by looking at the work, except for maybe in the case of my work..." (i.e. of course that I am the exception). Dallas gave me the look that said, 'ah...no'. I then asked, "Well, what would you think (regarding concept) if you saw my work...painting after painting of the same two girls together in each one?"... Nicole looked at Dallas and immediately said, "Lesbians".

Okay, I left myself open for that one...

Small Revelations

I have gone back to my watercolor ways. In the far past, somewhere around 1996, I took my first college painting class which was Watercolor I. I then moved on to oil and have stuck with that medium feeling that it worked better for me and also that it was superior. Today however, many artists are using acrylic and experimental mediums to create mixed media pieces. I don't really feel like oil is superior anymore, rather that it is just very different.

I have continued to work with acrylic paint for my small aloe studies- I have about four done, and three more on the burner. I'm really quite obsessed with them. Sometimes I find myself asking why I'm even am using this crappy plastic paint: It dries really fast and gets all glue like in the lids that I have been using as my palette, it's near impossible to mix enough color for a background, and it just doesn't look the same as oil. And yet, I am finding it to be different and challenging in a way that sort of makes me want to conquer the medium. I've used acrylic before, but I feel like this is more of an intensive study with it.

I don't think that my paint or the way I handle it can look like Benjamin Pierces, however, the paintings are looking like my works with oil, and in a way I feel that you almost can't tell that they are done in acrylic. A painter that I admire named Fred Stonehouse only uses acrylic for his works which look like they are done in oil. He says that in order to make the acrylic look like oil, pretend that you are using oil paint. As I progress with my pieces, I've had some happy surprises. I'm starting to develop washes of thin layers of color, which dry very quickly so they can be worked on soon after they are laid down. (One of the major advantages of using acrylic) The subjects (aloe plants) are at times being created in this manner- where they are looking like they could be watercolor, or ink for instance. I have created some backgrounds with a simple translucent wash directly on wood, so that no surface is gessoed- I have discovered that the wood soaks up the paint much like watercolor paper and the subsequent layers of paint for the subject matter soak into the wood as well. This forces me to be quick about what I am doing, and to make mistakes that I may not necessarily be able to paint over. I can also draw directly on the wood with a pencil, pen, or ink pen. This forced deadline of the paint drying is causing me to work faster, and more abstractly as first thoughts about lines and impressions come into my head.

Initially, I started the aloe plants in black,white, and sometimes raw umber, intending to paint over them perhaps in oil with greens. However, I am liking how the black and white look against the colored backgrounds. I am really getting into the colors of them, and in many cases I am not happy with the initial color, so I lay a wash down after sanding the surface a bit, and that seems to be creating some effects that I am happy with- they almost remind me of Rauschenberg prints.

Regarding getting out and about- on Friday I went to a special alumni weekend show featuring Ben Shamback who I went to graduate school with. Ben was more of an acquaintance than a good friend- always working very hard, and if I had to describe him briefly I would say he was a 'painters painter' who is a contemporary realist. Ben had all still life pieces done in oil in the show which were mostly done on copper. What stuck out the most to me at this juncture of my painting life, was that although he is a nice guy, he didn't ask me a thing about my work or Dallas' work (who also attended the show) despite having about an hour long dinner with him. Another thing that was equally as perplexing was that he went on sabbatical from his teaching position for a semester and did nothing but paint for 8-9 hours a day where he learned just how to paint flowers. I looked at him with a furrowed brow and asked him about how he managed his (not one) but two children during this time. He explained that he always handled painting like it was a full time job. Well, there you go- how nice that he could do this! I guess I sound a little snippy here and spiteful, and I won't go on with a feminist rant... but right now there is just no way that I could do this, or would choose to...still I walked away a bit envious.

Solid

I found myself asking myself all week if it was Wednesday yet, and now here I am on Thursday wishing it were Wednesday again. This week has been very rough with my son not wanting to sleep in his bed. Somehow, he has found his way into ours- and quite frankly this nonsense has to stop. No matter how much we love him, I'm extremely uncomfortable at 27 weeks pregnant, my husband is 6' 4", we don't all fit in a queen size bed, and we just can't do this anymore. Alex was left to deal with the bed time rituals, then the throw down, followed by the screaming which has turned routine at this point.

Throughout the course of the week, I think I have settled on something solid for my small pieces. I am simply doing studies of aloe plants in a representational manner, half drawn, half painted atop a solid but wash like background of a particular color field. The pieces will have part or parts of the wood panel coming through, but to be honest, the pieces are nothing like I envisioned them- they definitely developed on their own, so to speak. The background of the pieces will have a dominant background color, and the intention is that when these small pieces are viewed together the colors of each piece will look harmonious as a whole.

I am thinking that there should be four background colors, and I have started with a red, a blue, and a violet. I worked to create some backgrounds, and did one study of one aloe during our time, feeling that in the end more needed to be added to the study. Nicole and I talked about a price point and what was selling. It sounds ridiculous, but small pieces for $95.00 are being sold at Chesterfield Arts. I asked Nicole- "Why don't I just put a price tag on them for $99.99?" She said that this is what is selling, and that people are buying multiples at this price point. The bottom line is that they really need to be quick but well done renderings that could possibly sell for a lower price, rather than the large pieces that I work months on that are intended to sell in the thousand dollar range.

Nonetheless, I felt happy working. I felt calm. My mind was centered and I was glad that I abandoned the smaller pieces with many different elements swishing about them in every which way. The aloe pieces were much more authentic to me. Now, the hard part is doing many, many more of them, and framing them, while concurrently trying to finish the large piece with the figures of all three girls. ('Wallpaper')

Nicole remained frustrated and felt she was in a bad spot, never getting anywhere. I explained to her that I wasn't exactly zipping along. As mothers we have so many other obligations and pots to stir. She is working on a large piece with hands and string, and decided last night that firstly, the hands were photographed in the wrong position and then secondly, when the execution of the hands on the board took place, she decided that one of the hands looked: a. like the 'Awakening' and b. was too centered. Still I feel that so many times it takes execution to realize that something is amiss- and in finding what we do not want, we are closer to finding what we do want.

I left groggy and so tired late at night, and could barely keep my eyes open for the ride home. I came home thankfully to a quiet house to find my son and husband both asleep on the floor of my sons room on the air mattress. It was sweet, however, this too is a situation that cannot last for much longer.

Small, Scattered, and Stressed

Friday through Sunday my husband was out of town for the MS 150 in Columbia which we ride in every year together. This year I couldn't go because I am 26 weeks pregnant now, and it is firstly, too risky and secondly, it is just plain uncomfortable. I rode only 10 miles two weeks ago and found out why you don't see many 6-7 month pregnant people on bikes- it hurts in several different ways.

On Friday the Oma watched my two year old, and I was able to go see Benjamin Pierces show at Concrete Ocean, which is a newer gallery off of Jefferson in the city. (www.benjamin314.com) I didn't really feel like going, as I didn't have a single date- every one of my gallery buddies were booked, and also because I just get tired in the evening. I did however, feel it was a bit necessary to go because I will be having a show there in just two short months. Mustering up the courage and energy to go alone was hard but I'm so glad I did. The show was beautiful and I consequently was inspired.

Ben is a local artist that shows nationally and is as humble as ever. He showed all very small pieces on wood panels that were part illustrative and part collage, where he let the wood panel show through in the finished piece. The thing that stood out to me the most thought was that the pieces were so eye pleasing although the subject matter was rather morbid at times. Bug like men with many different appendages stood out in my head, along with made up creatures that were half human, and half something extra- terrestrial. Their large heads would engulf words from found papers or stare at you with beady eyes. I wondered if he has done any illustration for childrens books.

I came home inspired and studied his website when my son went to sleep late into the rainy night. I decided that I needed to make small pieces as well for this gallery in an attempt to sell some work for them and also for myself. Every artist I know practically is doing this these days- making smaller pieces for the sluggish economy when their big pieces won't sell. This is just a fact of the market right now. All of my pieces I planned to show are large, and I felt a crunch. I thought that small pieces that would incorporate some of the elements that are already present in my larger paintings would be relatively easy to execute. I imagined my deer on a plywood landscape with snow and even thought about making small illustrations of the girls. I decided to use acrylic as I could work on the pieces daily- late at night and perhaps early in the morning.

My troubles started with what could have been disaster. I was working in our basement wood shop while my son was napping on Saturday to cut small pieces and a thin but long piece of plywood kicked back directly into my abdomen. This has never happened to me before, but it did that day, and it couldn't have happened at a worse time. It hurt like hell, and I was in shock. I had to gather some breaths and cried in the bathroom a bit- contemplating what to do before I called my husband who was on his bike ride.

Alex told me to go straight to labor and delivery and that he would give them a heads up on my arrival. I showed up with red eyes after waiting for my niece Madelaine to come over and watch Anton who luckily was still asleep.

They put my belly and baby on the monitor for two hours and everything was fine, thankfully. My sister in law (who is also an obstetrician) stayed with me for my stay there. That uterus is very, very strong and I realized how nature, or God, whichever term you choose to go by- makes such a perfect and protective environment for the most important things in life.

By Sunday though, without my husband I was a complete wreck after what had happened and doing all the mom things alone, and was having a hard time maintaining any level of cleanliness around the house. I was going nuts and needed to catch up and get some 'me time'. I cancelled going over to the Omas for a Sunday evening family dinner which I felt I just couldn't handle. By that time I just wanted to stare at the wall for an hour without interruptions rather than rush around to get to a dinner for three hours when so much needed to be done in my house and with my work. That conversation with my mother in law did not go well at all and I felt she just didn't understand me nor did she know what I needed.

Regarding the small works, they are definitely off to a slow start and so far I don't like them that much. They are harder than I realized they would be and are taking way more time, which is always the case. I don't want the work to look like Bens, and I'm not sure if they feel authentic enough at this point- illustrating the figurative aspects of the work is so far a bust. And, I am wondering why I am messing around with acrylic- I hate it.

I plan on bringing them in tonight for painting group to give them a shot in another environment. They will be much easier to tote around as well.

I went to pre-natal yoga last night for the first time ever as I can never go because my husband is not home in enough time for me to make it. I hired a sitter to cover the time span in between when I leave and he arrives. That was another revelation I had this weekend- that I needed some more help other than the help I have which has its limitations to say the least. I felt like crying in yoga a couple of times. Tonight I scheduled a pedicure at 4 p.m. and plan to get that done before I head off to painting group where I will have have everything packed in the car ahead of time. Today is Alex's half day so we are almost back to sanity...

Wallpaper

Did I say that I was really excited to work on a background which incorporated wallpaper or tapestry? That was insane.

Painting group convened on Wednesday finally after many cancellations. Nicole worked on putting a new wood surface on a stretcher, and Dallas taught the first class of the new painting session in the adjacent room. I felt we didn't really have momentum, although I managed to get a start on a wallpaper background. The background came from a tapestry I had that I used in my last photo shoot with the girls last winter. The tapestry is very busy and vibrant, so I simplified the image as much as possible.

I had the initial drawing laid in of the three figures and had done some work with the portrait on the seated figure of Erica. I felt I wanted or needed to start laying in the background just to see how it would look. I'm sure there are better ways of doing this, however, I took a picture of the tapestry, and used tracing paper to copy the image or a likeness of it. I then used black pastel on the back side of the tracing paper, and re-copied this image on the canvas. I chose the smaller of two images I had and getting them all laid out on yet again another separate grid was work for my brain.

Even so, there was such monotony to this type of work that was maddening and addictive at the same time. I started painting a violet-red large flower in the pattern that stood out. My plan was to consistently work on this pattern bit by bit as I worked on the rest of the piece (i.e. the figures) as working the entire painting up at the same time is important. The background also is just as integral as your points of interest and can make or break a piece.

Nicole liked the piece right off saying that the pyramid composition was expected but worked. I gave a slight twist of the mouth to this. Dallas gave me the 'very interesting' comment in a fake Chinese accent which means that he is 'doing' Victor Wang saying the painting is very interesting. That was his only comment, however, I know this really means he is jealous and would never give me a real compliment. We do this to each other, and usually throw in some backhanded compliment to each others work anyway.

The two proceeded to question the accuracy of the seated figure concerned that the head and torso were too small for the legs. I gave them the photograph for reference knowing that a photograph can be distorted and that you cannot use this solely for reference. After measuring and comparing the actual piece to the photo they determined after much contemplation that everything was accurate according to the grid. I worked on my wallpaper diligently painting my pattern, but noted that I questioned the ratio of the upper body to the lower body as well. The thought is still in the back of my mind that this may be a little off. I will have to let the figures sit with me a while longer, and perhaps modify the lower extremities a bit- going more on the leaner side with them for the rest of the painting.

Dallas did note that the portrait of Madelaine reminded him of that guy from Los Lobos, whoever that is. And, then I thought she looked a bit like Jimmy Smits. These black and white under- paintings are just initial renderings made for composition that are not solidified at all yet- right now I'm trying to decide to paint more detail in the forms in black and white, or to go ahead with flesh tones.

Drawing Group: 9-2-2010

Thursday Night Drawing Group: my first thought when I saw the model was that she really couldn't be any more bony. I think I've actually rendered her with more substance than she actually had. I got to drawing group about a half hour late, which is fine, however, it takes me a while to set up and my goal is to get there before the group starts the next time I go, which will hopefully be next week.

Still, even with my late arrival, I found a perfect spot. Most everyone draws sitting at tables or drawing horses, but I always stand, and have to move a table or two to the side.

I have been choosing the more complicated vantage points where there is a lot of forshortening, and choose the view that is most interesting to me. I made several adjustments on the initial drawing before even starting to shade the three dimensional aspects. What was most interesting to me were the sketchy line renderings of the pillows along with the figure, oddly enough. I focused mainly on the form not attempting to complete the drawing and the portrait as I didn't have time really, and also the models face was so sharp and bony that I just wasn't receiving the right inspiration for finishing the portrait.

I did try to rough in some features, however, this didn't really work, so I erased out a lot of the vine charcoal which is apparent and made some lines around the skull and face indicating where the features would be.

In the end, I feel like I expounded a bit on a line drawing that took quite some time to solidify, and didn't get much shading accomplished. Then again, I think most of my drawings turn out this way. Nonetheless, I was happy to be present and always get so much out of going to drawing group.

third and final finished result (picture) to be the next post.

Getting From Nothing to Good

For the past few weeks I've been staring at canvases, and rummaging around doing various things to keep me away from painting. I thought about building stretchers, got a refresher on how to use the air gun, and stopped there. I vacuumed the studio which was desperately needed, and threw out a few jars in a feeble attempt to organize while I had a long conversation with one of my cousins.

I then looked through all of my pictures of the twins again searching for my next painting. I tried to find my journals about the Duality series which were lost as I don't keep them up as I should. This quest managed to keep me occupied for a large chunk of my work hours last week which put things off for a while. I only have a little bit of time to really work, while my son is at his six hour school, three times per week- and yet I don't always make this time useful. I frustrate myself.

I went to the coffee shop with my new laptop and looked up art deadlines and contests to enter. That needed to be done and was productive, however, now that I have found some deadlines, I need to not let them pass.

I clearly was stuck after my last painting- the "Aloe" piece, which still is technically not named. I spoke with Nicole via phone about my problem as we didn't have our group again because her daughter was sick. I felt the issue was that I was happy with the results of my last painting, and now I needed something that made me feel as good, and kept me working as if I was doing a puzzle- much like the Aloe painting did. I wanted something better of course for my next painting, which is only human nature. I also wished for the next piece to meet my goals for my new work of this year. Some of these goals are to: incorporate more than two figures (which the Aloe piece did not do) in my pieces, and to overlap figures.

Nicole had some good thoughts and suggested I use "suggestion" of the duality concept rather than using two figures. For instance, using three chairs with one sitter as Jeffery Hein did creates the idea that there is more than one figure, when there really is not another figure present. Of course, I can't do that exact thing, rather I should do something akin to that. She noted that when the Aloe piece stopped coming to group that she was a bit sad. She didn't want to see it go. It became my child- it was this big thing I lugged around every week along with a huge aloe plant that in the end suffered a great deal from toppling over several times in the car.

I looked through all of my pictures again, and hated everything that I saw and couldn't put anything together in my head. Then finally, for whatever reason, I can't remember how it happened exactly, I decided to paint this image of Stephanie (the twins younger sister) that I had taken in the spring. Part of my decision was from desperation I suppose. I took pictures of all three of the girls for the first time this year, because up until that point I felt Stephanie wasn't old enough, and beyond that she didn't fit into my Duality concept.

Immediately, I loved the image on canvas. I then painted Madelaine from a photo where Erica is in a chair in the background - Erica is looking off to the side, and Madelaine has an expression that looks flippant. Erica's foot is resting on Madelaine's leg which creates a relationship between the two that seems classic, or at the very least suggests a subconscious closeness.

After I had painted Madelaine and Stephanie together I liked the split in between them and at this point I was asking myself many questions about how to fit Stephanie in my concept. Would 'Duality' be over? Would Stephanie be a splitting personality that comes between the two girls? What was her role and how did she fit in?

I contemplated leaving Madelaine and Stephanie in the painting together without creating a third figure, because I liked it so much already. I felt however, that the figure of Madelaine needed to be moved a bit over to the middle of the canvas because it felt too far towards the edge. I dreaded moving the figure because sometimes that initial drawing is so fresh and good. After much deliberation, I just went ahead and moved her about an inch and a half. I then decided to take chances, and put the image of Erica (with the foot resting on her sister while she sits in the chair) in the painting behind the other two convincing myself that I could always take her out.

I'm so glad I put the third figure in because now it seems so much better. It's like she belongs there. I have discovered through my work that putting three figures in a composition is remarkably harder than incorporating two figures. Overlapping is difficult as well. And, so far- I haven't exactly been successful. Back in the spring I went to Fontbonne for a lecture from Alan Feltus who is a phenomenal figurative painter with the strangest opinions on his work that I've ever heard... however, this is another story. What got me about Alan's work was his compositions-he was accomplishing what I wanted to achieve: he was overlapping and incorporating several (more than two figures) successfully on one canvas. Never mind his lackadaisical opinions on any sort of concept.

There has been a lot of moving things around and painting over things several times in order to tweak the composition. I'm still working on the drawing stages and my next thought is to put in a wallpaper or tapestry background. I am eager to incorporate this step.

Once again, and finally, I am excited about my work again. It is so very hard when you never know where all of this work will take you and where you will go. How is it all justified? It is difficult to stay motivated. However, I've always felt that when I'm not painting, I'm just not happy. Today, luckily I am.

Oh Deer

This painting reminds me a lot of my pregnancy. It just seems to go on and on, and as the days get longer, I ask myself: "What am I doing here?" For the past three weeks we have been absent from drawing group and I must be honest and say that my current painting has hit stagnation. Pun intended. Nicole and I have both been on vacation for two consecutive weeks, and the way our schedules were going it seemed best to meet on Wednesdays now at least for a while.

As I drove to Chesterfield Arts, I wondered if I missed painting more or *therapy*. I was more than eager to vent about my current obsessions that seem to be more intense with pregnancy. I have lately been focused and anxiety ridden by all things dealing with being a parent. I am re-acting to people and things as if they are against me, taking on others problems as if they are my own, and I often find my mind cluttered. I know this is not rational, however, I seem to remember similar thoughts and a lax perspective on my work as my first pregnancy progressed. The good news is that when my first son was born I had the opposite emotions than what most women face- rather than post-partum depression, I had euphoria. It is my hope that when this little creation arrives more creating in the realm of art will manifest.

Regarding my work, not much has changed as I noted above. I've worked on the sweater on the figure of Erica several times, and again last night... still feeling that there is something lacking. I can't quite get that unfinished yet finished quality I desire and tried messing around with detail in the ribbing part that I eventually wiped out completely. Dallas thought the sweater needed to be warmer, and that was the best thought that we mustered up about the piece. He suggested a warm green.

The skirt changed as well from white to brown then back to white again. I still feel that it is just 'okay'. The deer are painted in more detail with wintry landscape backgrounds, and I feel that they are interesting, however, I think they might be making the whole piece too busy.

The more I contemplate the piece, I consider leaving this painting alone for another time, or that it may have to be one of those pieces that the artist did and left unfinished.

There are aspects to the portrait that I like and I don't want to ruin those aspects so I fear working on the portrait at all. Erica has blank, unpainted eyes that are spooky, and somewhat hollow and I've decided I might just make a few minor adjustments elsewhere but leave the eyes, and shadow tones as they are.

Oh, and did I mention that I am also having trouble making decisions and am lacking direction?I am hoping for a new direction and re-found energy for myself and the whole group next week.

Drawing Group: 8-12-2010

Regarding the commission of 'David', I just wanted to say that I 'turned it in'- the clients wanted a more representational background and by the end I was so tired of the piece that I didn't even take a picture of it. I did a very dark landscape with pine trees in the background. Looking back, it turned out to be quite nice, however, we'll probably never see it again.

Last week Dallas called me just as I was getting all of my things together to tell me that no one was coming to painting group. I hadn't gotten Nicole's message on my phone and was really ready to go after a very serious confrontation with my husband about the location of my child's tennis shoes, which in the end were found in the swim bag where I had put them when we went to the pool. Dallas likened our incident to and episode of 'I Love Lucy' where Desi and Lucy traded places for the day and each had to do the other ones job.

I tried to spend some of the evening painting and I seem to be whittling away at this portrait of Erica. I decided to paint over the small to medium sized canvas in the last post with this image that I have wanted to do for some time now. Ultimately, I decided that the three repetitive images upside down were just not working and I think I stated previously that no one really knew where that one was going.

From the start I felt that this portrait of Erica had a direction and some kind of objective. It felt better than the last one that was laid down before it on the same canvas. The initial 'drawing' left a remnant of a pink crocheted winter hat on the sweater of 'Erica' that I found to be interesting and felt it looked like the adornment on sweaters, shirts and the like that are so popular this season. I always love when interesting elements from old paintings come through in new ones. The trick is to keep those elements and sometimes they just don't work in the new piece.

Immediately I liked the portrait, and especially the hair which is just a quick over-layer of raw umber and black. I am liking the tones and color in the face and the shadow under the chin. I started to draw in the argyle pattern of the sweater, then hesitated. I love the white under-painting under the red grid on the sweater and was fearful to paint too much. On first sitting I painted the entire background, not leaving much remnant of a grid, which created a pinkish to purplish hue from the cadmium red light, black and white mixing together. I felt this color to be feminine and matching the adornment on the sweater.

The next step was to incorporate this image of deer in the background. I envisioned them as small from the start in the background, and thought of inverting this image of the deer/landscape exactly as it is in the second painted image. No one would believe though how many times it took to make the deer the right size I wanted, and now even while looking at them, I wonder if they should be pushed further towards Erica. However, I have worked on the deer/landscape quite a bit since this point and think that the composition looks a bit different in person rather than on the monitor. These little paintings within the painting are very time consuming as I decide how many details from this wintry landscape to include, however, it is also very enjoyable to paint these little miniature pieces. I like their little small grids. I have taken out the trees, as I feel they are an eye sore and lean too much to the left, and are a parallel distraction which leads the viewer out of the painting immediately.

Problem areas are the skirt which I hate and the right hand which I suppose I will be working on this week.

Decisions

I'm running out of canvases which means I need to build more, which means that my husband and I need to go to our workshop, which brings up the question: "When do we have the time to do this together?" These times are few and far between spending quality time together, or spending family time together.

Let me clarify that I can build stretchers on my own, however, in order to run long pieces of wood safely through the jointer and planar, having some assistance is safer and more efficient. Also, our workshop is in need of a major re-haul which is soon to come, but until then, all of 'our' wood is mixed up together and I don't want to use any of his wood.

The piece at the left was started as an attempt to accomplish one of my previous stated objectives of overlapping figures, or rather, overlapping the same figure twice. I was hoping that the image overlapped would give the viewer a feeling of falling or movement. I decided to work on this painting last night to see how some progression would look.

The image I am working from is quite blurry however, and there is not much of the face to work from. Madelaine is the model, and she is wearing a winter hat- I have turned the canvas upside-down. That is how I intended to show the piece. After some contemplation, I think I have decided to abandon this piece. I think everyone was confused by it. When working on the piece last night it somehow didn't feel right.

I have an idea that I would like to create some aloe pieces which would be smaller and hang them all together. This canvas could possibly be used for this endeavor. Then again, the canvas might be too large. At the same time, I am also deciding what to paint on the canvas with the three figures- this is a medium sized canvas so I'm not sure that a whole figure or two would work on this surface.

Also, something that is vexing me is an artist I found last week: Jeff Hein. (www.jeffreyhein.com) This is the kind of artist that really makes me want to jump off the nearest bridge. Rarely do I come across someones work that does everything that I want my work to do. His artists statement is different, however, we have VERY similar thoughts on combining modern aspects of painting while staying true to the realistic form, mainly through figurative work. His statement is eloquent in describing the marriage of contemporary concepts in art, with classical ideals. I hate him for that. Not really, however, I would like for my words and thoughts to be as eloquent as his and for my brushstrokes to convey these thoughts on canvas like his seem to do.

Regarding his work: when I viewed his images of say "The Ina" (60"x 40") or "Lena" (20.8"x 11") I felt an instant love affair coming on. This artist was combining two figures on canvas, much like I was doing, however, it seemed he was doing it in a more modern way than me, or better. (Yes, I can say that). Jeffs technique involves painting a very realistic figure/s in a manner akin to say Rembrant, where the flesh, hands, etc. are very representational- with a painterly approach. (Meaning you can see brushstrokes in the flesh of say the portrait). However, he then sets the figure against a modern context of lines or dots as if this background was created by Josef Albers. If I had to guess his influences, I would say he mixes some Hockney with some Albers, with some Uglow, with some Rembrant if you can imagine this. I mix some Giacometti with some Chuck Close, with some Italian renaissance masters such as (Giotto, Masaccio, Fra Angelico), with some Balthus and Hockney. Now do you see how I am vexed!

Plus, Jeff Hein includes some elements of 'duality' in his work without knowing it- or maybe he does... he paints two chairs side by side where one is empty, and the other holds a figure. In another piece, "Repititon" (48" x 60") he repeats the same figure twice with slight variations in clothing and facial features. Again, the background is one tone while the shadows of the two figures are all variations of muted modern yellow tones which makes the background look more like modern design rather than something that would be on canvas. Additionally, as with many of his other pieces he creates a successful analogous (read harmonious) color combination by using Reds, to yellow oranges, to yellow. I could go on, but I feel I'm getting ill from the 'sickest' work I've ever seen.

Commission of David- final stages

I did some work on David, meaning I worked on the hair a some, which still needs another layer at least, and also worked on the eyes a bit.

This morning I e-mailed the client/s with images of this piece and some pictures of its progression along with the original photo. So, it is done. We will see what they say.

I'm happy with the background, however, it does not look like the representational landscape-ish backgrounds of the other two commissions for this family. Also, I'm not sure if they will go for the shirt.

I plan to look in my book of '500 Self- Portraits' from Phaidon press.

A Brave New Piece

I am desperately feeling the need to start a couple of new fresh pieces of work. I had mentioned in previous post that I had a sketchy drawing of a piece with three figures. One of my goals for this year was to start several pieces where a. the figures are overlapping, and b. there are more than two figures on the canvas (3 or 5 would be best). With the piece that I have posted I attempted to do both of those things.

However, I felt my attempt at getting out of the box, at least with this particular piece was flimsy. This was confirmed by Nicole who noted that the piece didn't describe visually what "Duality" (the series) was. Dallas felt the figure at the top was awkward, and design friend Jen (who is in Philadelphia) remarked that the figures didn't really seem to relate to each other. Essentially all of my doubts about the piece were confirmed. It was time to go back to the drawing board...literally!

I started our session however, with doing something mindless without having to think too much about the complexities of mixing concept with form and how I would change my painting/drawing. I worked on the background of my commission portrait. I decided that I would cover the background in a yellowish, greenish, greyish color. I used raw umber, olive green, black, and yellow ochre. Painting the background surprisingly ate up a huge chunk of time. Nicole liked the final result, and initially I thought that this layer would be just an initial start for more of a glazed background, however, now I feel it could possibly be the background. If that is the case, that would be fantastic and I wouldn't have to paint David amidst a landscape of pine trees much like the work of Bob Ross. Again, I need to contact the client for their thoughts. This time I mean it, as I haven't done that quite yet.

After my background was finished I made everyone talk to me about my concept and piece with three figures. Lots of great things were mentioned and Dallas asked me: "Wasn't one of the meanings of 'Duality' a play on the twin sisters of art- form and content?" No, that wasn't anywhere in my artists statement, but now that you mention it, that is some fantastic art mumbo jumbo that needs to be in my artists statement. Dallas is like that: he doesn't say much, but there are certain moments when he spouts off something really profound, unexpected, and relevant.

As the end of our time was drawing near, I went through about a hundred 8 1/2 x 11 sheets of printed images of the twins that I have in sheet protectors. I was making an effort to find images for my next 'out of the box' paintings combining those elements I mentioned above. I try to file most of the images I have in binders, however, I have collected a huge stack of these sheets that are unorganized and not filed in their respective binders of "Madelaine" and "Erica". I separated the sheets into two stacks: one stack for images that I loved or that caught my eye in any way, the other for definate 'NO' photos. I hadn't gone through the images in quite a while, so they all brought back a bit of nostalgia. I looked at some photos that actually became paintings, and couldn't remember the actual painting until I thought about it for a while. It was interesting to look at little marks on my photos and have no idea what the marks meant. It was almost like looking through an old journal. Some deer in a wintry pine forest caught my eye. I wanted to include this in a background. Erica on a train made me want to do a modern piece with garish colors but I feared loosing the concept of the series if I created a narrative background.

In the end I felt desperate that I needed more weirdness in my paintings. As my friend Byron noted, "Should you wake up one day and want to paint one of the twins stabbing someone with a knife, then I think you should do that". In other words, don't be weird to be weird, however, if I should desire to paint weirdness that might work well.

An interesting option that Nicole mentioned was to actually photograph the girls upside down, which would change the facial features, expression, etc. I felt it was a fresh enough idea to get me excited and I started visualizing Erica hanging upside- down from my neighbors swing set....

Concept is everything

Really, what I should say is that concept is very important, however, I do not feel that it is everything. I think you need both in order to succeed as a great artist, or perhaps I should re-phrase this: I think that I need to have solid concept in my work that comes through in an already technically good and magnificently painted piece.

I feel one without the other is pointless.

My friend Jen always gets me on concept- she always is asking me in the process of painting... "But what is it about???!!!" Jen graduated from Webster University in St. Louis, where you must have your concept worked out and your plan before you even start painting. I come from Fontbonne University where old school is old school. You learn to paint first, and then you create solid concept.

The majority of my work for the past 3-4 years has concentrated on a series that I call "Duality". This series started with my two twin nieces who serve as models for my figurative works. The paintings initially started as a documentation of their age progression (think of Andrew Wyeth and his Helga series), then later came to represent a play on the term of "Duality". I started painting them upside down and the idea is to incorporate the meaning of "Duality", where the painting has two points of view or purposes. I would like for my paintings in Duality series to incorporate both of those thoughts, however, they are now additionally at times pictoral representations of personal events or emotions that viewers can interpret on a universal level.

I was crazy to think it was finished

This week I brought in my portrait commission to painting group, Terry brought her two children rather than her friend Kit Keith, and Dallas brought himself- which was a major accomplishment.

It was great to have Dallas there, and I think Nicole and I both hoped that he would keep coming. Nicole started on a new piece after a necessary trip to Michaels and Office Max, and Terry worked on a great sketch in watercolor or (oil on paper?), which she drew on with charcoal pencil. Terry was in rare form discussing astrology and giving opinions on work in different accents. She had to take her kids to Borders for a bit as kids do grow restless while adults are working on art for about three hours.

Trying to 'shut out' the energy rather than to 'take in' was difficult. Still, I think some progress was made. I forced myself to work on my portrait of David. I thought to myself, "How on earth was I thinking that this thing was finished?". Sometimes this happens. You do well on your first few sittings with a painting and you get an inflated ego and over estimate the progress of the piece. Delusions of grandeur if you will. Such was the case with David. Clearly, after the paint dried there was more work to be done. For starters, the eyes were 'wrong'. The sitters right eye was not even with his left, and one eye looked more open than the other one.

Secondly, that second coat of paint just looks so much better.

What was most vexing in the end though, was the background. I had previously created a dark background of olive green and paynes grey against a toned canvas. I thought this might work for a while, then I came to my senses. I painted a greyish- yellow ochre around the olive green/paynes grey in an attempt to cover the lightly toned canvas and yet leave that initial dark background that is directly behind the sitter.

After I let the painting dry in my car and create a huge amount of odor in my vehicle for several days, I decided that the background wasn't working in this way. As much as I wanted to leave it unfinished and finished at the same time, this attempt at simple vs. complex was not the answer.

My next move will be to use the lighter yellow ochre color all over the entire background- let that dry, then perhaps do a gradation of color from dark to light behind the sitter. This is very common. There will be a lot more drying involved.

Additionally, I am still not really happy with the eyes but will work on the background then see how I feel about them. The painting always looks different in real life rather than in digital. I also plan to lay in some hair in darker tones. Again, I don't want the hair to be overdone.

Dallas and Nicole really loved the shirt I think as it is now. I decided after a few days of rest that I like it as well. It has that abstract element that I so desperately crave with all of my work. I need to send the clients a picture of the piece as it is now in order to a. get some input and b. prepare them for how the portrait looks, and c. make them think or feel they are involved in the process in some way.

Could this really be finished?

I've been procrastinating a third commission from a couple who wants portraits of all of their grandchildren for what I would guess to be two months or so. When I actually sat down and started the project, total painting time took me about two to three solid hours of painting, or a full work day. I was so vexed at myself for procrastinating for so long, and then realizing in the end that the bulk of the painting took me only two hours? Seriously?

Sometimes this phenomenon happens. I was talking this over with design friend Jen, and she noted the same phenonmenon. We decided that the procrastination time is not actually procrastination, but rather a time when your mind subconsciously works so hard on what it will do that it already has it figured out at 'go time'. And, you've put it off for so long that you have the pressure of finishing it *today* before the monkey crashes down on your back.

I meant to get a photograph in better color and quality of the sitter-(David), however, thought that I would just start by laying down composition and initial color with my own printed photograph just to get the ball rolling. What I came up with was something dark yet fresh. It seemed the colors were blending just right. I used much more yellow ochre mixed with black, darker greys than I normally do, and tried to create subdued flesh tones all in an effort to render a more masculine portrait. I felt at the end of the day that even though I used darker, and more muted tones than usual , I created strong contrasts. I framed the portrait in a very dark paynes grey mixed with olive green. I didn't want to add any detail to the background after I was done with the first work session or sitting with the portrait.

When I worked on the portrait I struggled with the lips, and now looking at it for the first time since I worked on it three days ago, the sitters right eye is too open, the left too closed so I will have to even that out. I don't want to ruin it, so again, I will be at that point where I will have to do a million things before getting to a few corrections that in the end will take maybe thirty minutes.

This portrait is not like the other commissions I have done for this client, however, I am contemplating doing the above mentioned corrections and going to them with what is there now. I do want to do a little work on the shirt- maybe just a sketchy white version of it. I would though, perhaps like to make a new stretcher for the piece in a slightly smaller size- which I don't do often. So, if they (the clients) go for the unfinished/(finished) piece without the overly done background then I will have to convince them that the piece needs to be smaller than the other two.

Lots to think about for this week.

I need to have this in a state of progress without dropping the ball for another two months.

A New Additon

For some weeks now, Nicole and I have been attending our painting 'group' by ourselves. Dallas has attended twice or maybe three times if my memory is correct, and Janessa from CA has come once or twice. Nicole and I have been the only constants in our little project. Thus is the nature of the 'art group'.

This week though, Terry Shay came to join us with her art endeavors and as usual the evening started with talk. Terry is also a graduate of Fontbonne whom I met near the end of my time there, while she went on to graduate a few semesters later. Terry works as a freelance illustrator, and as adjunct faculty at St. Louis University and if I absorbed this correctly, her goal for now is to create five large paintings that she will show at Boogaloo, a restaurant in Maplewood. Terry is vibrant, extremely humorous, and eccentric. A new dynamic was created with her presence. We launched the evening comparing stories of childbirth- where Terry re-counted and re-enacted how she gave birth to her son Ben who was coming out of the birth canal, the nurse didn't believe her and wanted to start an IV... and ultimately in the end the baby popped out and was barely caught by the hospital staff.

It was a slow start with the new dynamic and I didn't know quite where my goals were regarding my aloe painting. My mind had been hazy the entire day with not knowing what to do because I was faced with the dilemma of having three different pieces that were brewing either in my mind or on canvas. In not focusing on one thing, I accomplished nothing during the day but kept myself busy procrastinating in one form or another.

I brought my three 'pieces' to CA (Chesterfield Arts) not knowing which direction to take. My aloe painting was almost complete, and I was in that stuck mode where you don't want to mess it up so you are afraid to put anything else on the canvas. I have a commission that I haven't even started on that is becoming a very large monkey on my back, and I have a third piece that I have started in my duality series with a triplicate image of Madelaine which is to be shown upside-down. I would like to get going on the latter piece as well as the commission, while concurrently building new medium sized stretchers for "Duality". I also brought one of my sketches on a large canvas for "Duality" that was in competition with the aloe painting, and am currently trying to decide if I should start over with a new sketch on this piece, tweak it a little, or carry it through.

As in the past 7 or so weeks, I only wanted to work on "Aloe" and completely forgot to even ask about any of the other pieces I brought. While we talked mainly of love and marriage, I tried to work out the hand and arm issues, feeling in the end that they might be done. Nicole thought the new skirt color was good- although I think we decided that I missed its original color. I re-worked some of the background where I had re-drawn grid, and I put a dark glaze over Erica's pants in a purple- brown. I decided that the last thing that I needed to do was to work on Erica's portrait a bit more, and I needed to determine if the shadow color on her neck was what I wanted it to be.

In the meantime, Terry worked on stretching a square sized canvas and gesso-ing the canvas with a clear gesso which I thought was interesting. She told the story of how it ended with her last ex. She said she sat on a mosquito net in Greece, looked up at her beau, and knew it was over. Funny how you can know these things and that one wrong move could shatter a relationship. Really, we know that this was not the reason, but rather, this was the straw that broke the camels back. I will always think of her when I see mosquito nets now.

Terry said that next week she would try to bring her friend Kit, who paints on mattresses and is represented by William Shearburn (gallery). I asked if she would carry in her mattress... I get a little uneasy with new people and new situations at times. However, I was happy that we would possibly be expanding our horizons.

Getting From Good To Beautiful

The evening started with frustration. Many nights I expect that my husband will be home sooner, and this early evening was no exception. Alex had a deposition, which is a rarity- and I expected or rather hoped that this appointment would last about an hour and then perhaps he could come home early. The deposition started at 3 p.m. and the lawyers had the appointment at his office. I made dinner so that it could be on the table by 5 p.m., then anxiously waited an additional 45 minutes while weeding outside and stewing until I was at the peak of my crankiness.

I realized my irritation was my own fault- for expecting too much, and for wanting to have my cake and eat it as well. Some changes would have to be made. The family dinner on Tuesday night would have to be nixed. I would have to drop 'A' off at the Oma's, and go to painting 'group' with a packed lunch. I felt guilty to Nicole for always being late. Some compromise would have to be made. Dinner just wasn't enjoyable when I was ranting to Alex about my unmet expectations for the day.

My painting at this point has become solid, and has crossed many barriers. Finally, after three to four weeks of a failed portrait, I finally got it right. Had I not succeeded in the proper aesthetic for the portrait the entire painting would have been ruined. Last week we had the 'aha' moment where we (Dallas, Nicole and I) decided that the dead space would be filled with upside down aloe plants, thus making my current pieces more cohesive. These renderings on canvas turned out better than expected.

So last night my objectives were to decide on the color of the two-dimensional skirt, work more on Erica's portrait in the piece, paint the upside down aloe plants while leaving a good portion of them in their 'drawn' form, and work on the dreaded arm of Madelaine.

Nicole helped me to decide that the color I had changed the skirt to last week was a bit too green and that this must be changed- also it lacked the brightness it had last week. This was something that I suspected, however, hesitated to change because well... it would be better if it were just 'done'. In changing the skirt, I knew I had to also work on the arm as the arm lays against the skirt, and the foreground must be done with the background. I came to the realization that the color needed to be changed anyway because I didn't work on the arm with the last *skirt color change*. That was really amateur of me. Deep sigh.

Making big changes, especially at this point, and with flesh is scary. I believe though that making big changes creates success rather than coming to a point of stagnation with your work. I made necessary changes to the arm, and consequently worked on the 2d skirt. I used a lemon yellow, cadmium yellow, white, and raw umber this time rather than black. I think I also used a naples yellow, and some added other mixes from my palette. The hand however now has problems. In the end I couldn't face the painting. I looked to Nicole and asked if it was done, hoping that it was just that I had looked at the hand too long. Unfortunately, she thought it was not done, and looked a little to dark, and little too strange. She told me to lighten a middle finger, and something else. I haphazardly threw some light colored paint onto the spots she pointed out hoping these random, spontaneous brush strokes would miraculously change things. They didn't. We laughed as I turned for approval with wide eyes right after I made them.

I decided that I would pray to the art gods for the right answer on what I should do regarding this hand issue. That seemed to work for the portrait I had so much trouble with. I noted though, that the art gods are much slower than I would like for them to be when it comes to getting from good to beautiful.

Drawing Group:4-8-2010

How something starts

In 2010 I have started a new method of accomplishing goals and creating happiness that was inspired by the book by Gretchen Rubin called "The Happiness Project". For me, the book gives me ideas on how to keep track of goals, how to get out of the box and do new things, and discusses one of my favorite topics- philosophy.

My friend Nicole and I were talking one day while I was at Chesterfield Arts (where I teach painting classes) about what we weren't doing I think versus what we needed to be doing. Nicole mentioned wanting to start a group painting session in an effort to re-start her own painting endeavors as she had been absent from it for way too long (due to the demands of her job and the recent birth of her daughter).

With the 'Happiness Project' in mind, I was instantly very eager to start something with a group, as being in a group is usually motivating and contributes to the overall success of a project. Also, I felt going somewhere to paint would remove me from my own distractions- the dinner/family routine, the toddler screaming for food, the day to day. I try to go to drawing group from time to time, but was really feeling I needed to make solid progress with my painting these days. I hoped this group would give me a chance to do just that.

As it turns out, since the start of our group, most of my work these days has been done when we meet every Tuesday. Every Tuesday I lug large paintings, bags of paint, jars of turpentine, etc. in the car and drive a semi-long distance to the CA wondering each time if it is worth it. More than a month later, I am assured that it is, because consistency is key- and as I said, I am doing a large bulk of my work around the others.

The posted pieces are of my "Aloe Painting". The piece on the left was the initial sketch and you can see from the piece on the right how much the piece changed in terms of composition. This is how I start many of my pieces- they are sketches of figures on grids- that I draw with paint, then re-draw over and over in an attempt to create good composition. Along with this painting, I created two others- a medium sized piece with three figures in the composition: all of the figures are relatively small in this piece. The other piece is a triplicate image of one of my models- my niece Madelaine painted upside down in triplicate. Out of these three pieces, I felt the aloe piece was the strongest, and the one I wanted to work on the most.

I started bringing the 'Aloe' painting to our group and have been working on this piece from the groups start until July.